- Please come if you have nothing better going on.
- Let us know at the last minute if you feel like coming.
- Tell us that you are coming just to appease us and then don’t show up.
- Tell us that you are coming, but don’t worry about it if you aren’t.
- Do nothing and let us guess your intentions.
ARRRRGGGGHHHH!
I’m told that planning wedding receptions are a nightmare due to people not responding one way or the other. A friend told me yesterday that her company is planning a party and they have 300 RSVPs that are affirmative, but are only planning for 200 to show up. Why is that??? I find that incredibly rude.
I have planned parties for my children and had an RSVP date that was based on when I needed to pay the party “venue” and provide a headcount. I ALWAYS had to call most on the list to find out what their intentions were. Then to top it all off, I always seemed to have some who said “yes” and then never showed nor bothered to call and apologize for not showing (and yes, their child had been PAID FOR). It’s maddening!!
Don’t even get me started about having a “due date” that really is artificially early because you know MOST will not reply on time so you build in a buffer before the “real” deadline!
So just to set the record straight, here’s what RSVP means:
Forms of etiquette have been around for centuries; however, they also have changed along the way. With that said, let’s start with R.s.v.p. What does it mean? It is an abbreviation of the French phrase “Répondez s’il vous plaît”, which simply means “please respond”. Actually, once upon a time, people didn’t need response cards. When they received a written invitation, they would R.s.v.p. on their own stationery, offering congratulations and whether or not they would be able to attend. (Though response cards are common these days, sending your reply on your own personalized stationery is still acceptable).
Ok people, did you get that? RSVP means PLEASE RESPOND! Respond if you are coming. Respond if you are not coming. How hard is it???
Geez. (Maybe here’s where I need to shout, “Serenity now!!!”)
I’ll tell you what makes it hard: schools, coaches, employers, etc., who schedule events last-minute. For example, you can RSVP for a wedding 2 weeks in advance, and if your child’s coach enters a tournament for that weekend and the threat is kicking your kid off the team…
I can’t tell you the number of times I personally RSVP’d to something only to have a poorly organized educator or coach gum up the works late in the process.
And, don’t even get me started on a youth minstry event where we pay up to $100 bucks a kid to reserve spots and start sign ups 10 weeks in advance, and the last week is chaos because of bosses, coaches or extracurricular changes.
Our society is trained this way now…
…and our Deep South sensibilities have been trampled in the process.
By: Brent on January 8, 2007
at 3:00 pm
I concure. It it tough to plan when RSVP seems to have become totally lost. Plus, what Brent said! I unofficially help with something for JROTC at one of the High Schools. We had one event that we dilligently planned out, put on the official calendar, etc. Just to have the “bigger wigs” torpedo it about 5 days before the event! When WE’D been on the calendar and they had not! The daughter commented that they are rewarding a lack of planning and intentionally torpedoing the events that “play nice”. What a shame.
By: ray on January 8, 2007
at 3:13 pm
Planning a wedding was so much fun for me – except for the planning on how many people would show up! I did have many, many people use the response cards (that I had already stamped, so it wasn’t 39 cents they had to pay), but there were several people who came that didn’t respond and several who responded with acceptance that didn’t show up. I just told my husband it was payback for him NEVER sending in response cards for weddings he’s been invited to (pre-coupledom, of course). I don’t think the last minute change of plans is really the excuse for most people…and, they can always call last minute to let you know they will/will not be attending. This RSVP issue has gone the way of many manners…thought of as an inconvenience rather than an obligation.
BTW, thanks SO much for the cell phone offer – I’m using an old one of my sister’s, but if it dies on my (like it did on her at one point) you might just be getting an e-mail. Until then, know that your offer was appreciated whole-heartedly. Thank you.
By: Will and Amy on January 8, 2007
at 4:38 pm
Amy – you are welcome. Please let me know if you need the phone.
By: Schweers' Mom on January 8, 2007
at 9:25 pm
I think people actually have no clue what it means anymore. Maybe it’s time to spell it out on our invites?
By: susan in fm on January 8, 2007
at 10:37 pm
Hey, if you send us an invitation to dinner, I’ll respond yes. I’m just letting you know in advance.
))))))
By: Heidi Day on January 10, 2007
at 4:14 am